God has other plans….

On Tuesday, December 12th I was supposed to finally have my reconstructive surgery. I was excited. I was on the bed, all marked up and with an IV in my hand. I was ready to go when my nurse said we have to take a “PAUSE”. My blood-work came back and my white blood cells were low.  They were concerned about my body not being able to fight off any infection. The low WBC were expected because of the medication I am on. I had asked my Oncologist if I needed to be off the meds prior to surgery and she told me no. So I continued to take my medication. The nurse also said my PTT (which has to do with your blood clotting) was high. Not abnormally high, but for a cancer patient about to undergo a 5+ hour procedure, there were concerns. So after being on the bed ready to go they had to cancel my surgery.  My Plastic Surgeon was willing to continue with the procedure, but he was honest and said it wasn’t his call. He is not familiar with my medication and couldn’t make the call. At the end of the day it was my Oncologist who said she couldn’t take the risk. So after they blew my vein (See picture below).  They sent me home.

The word “UPSET” doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I was so discouraged and I felt defeated. We have been waiting for this day for months. I know I am not in control and only God has the final say, so I really tried to accept my situation. I was really looking forward to finally feeling comfortable in my own skin again. No one can imagine the emotional roller coaster that Cancer can create. I was looking forward to having a semi-normal chest, without having to worry about my fake boob popping out. LOL

Eventhough this is not the last surgery. I was hoping things would be that easy.  Since I am using my own body tissue I will need an additional surgery later. Since my body is rejecting the expanders it will most likely reject the implants. So they are using tissue from my back to rebuild the breasts. Later on I will need some fat graphing to fill in the pockets and to make the breast look more natural. At the end of the day, I will be either an “A” or “B” cup. I am okay with that. There are some great padded bras out there. I know people must wonder why I am putting my body through all of this and I can’t really explain it.  All I can say is that I am 39 years old and I shouldn’t be uncomfortable in my own skin. Cancer took my breasts, along with my hair and my health. My hair is finally growing back and I am starting to recognize the woman in the mirror. I am not the same person I was before Cancer, but I would still like to be able to look at myself naked and not feel bad about myself. My scars are my war wounds and I am not ashamed of them! They tell my story!

I just have to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I am sure it was for the best. Why take the risk. Now I get to enjoy Christmas with my family and we move on to Plan B. I spoke to my Nurse Practitioner yesterday who agreed to lower the dosage on my medication. We are hoping that will help with my white blood cells. My Plastic Surgeon has rescheduled my surgery for Saturday, December 30th. God bless this man. He’s willing to do this on the weekend. He’s booked until March so this was the next best thing. I am taking a break from the meds to let my body heal. So I have 2 weeks to get myself ready for the surgery.

Thanks to all of you for the prayers and support. Please continue to pray. I am stable and I still have a lot of faith. I am just waiting for those magically words “NEAD” (NO Evidence of Active Disease). I have faith that 2018 will bring good things.

One thought on “God has other plans….

  1. Nikolai says:

    Your tears are not in vain…HE will reward you one day and make known all the reasons you had to go through this trial. I pray for you peace of mind and for you family’s as well..

    Liked by 1 person

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