My “detour” might start the same as most women out there, but I am sure my journey is different. This has all happened within the last month. It has happened very quickly, which means I have had to process all of this just as quickly.
I knew something was wrong when i felt the lump on my right breast. I thought it was a clogged duct from breast feeding my son. I told my doctor who told me to wait until I stopped producing milk to get an ultrasound. That was 6 months ago. The lump got bigger and i could see it through my skin. I never thought it would be Breast Cancer. Especially not Cancer in both breast, which will result in a double mastectomy after 5 months of Chemo. It’s crazy considering I’m only 37 and pretty healthy. But i do have a family history!
It’s kind of funny how i have handled all of this. I surprise myself at times. Yes i have cried in my car, but for the most part I have cried because of my boys. How do you explain to a 5 y/o and a 2 y/o that mommy is sick? They are too young to understand and how am I supposed to protect them from this? The day the doctor called I was with my youngest son, who ended up getting sick and i had to rush him to the doctors. So that gave me no time to process my diagnosis. I am a mom first. Therefore, I switched modes and I became super mom.
When I finally had a minute to myself I cried, but I made a choice. The choice to be strong and positive. I don’t want or need a pity party. I need people that are going to be supportive. I know you can never say the right thing to someone who was just diagnosed with Cancer, but just a quick text to say you are thinking about them is perfect.
I am upset at God, it’s natural, but I am not angry. I told God that I rather it be me and not my boys. I can handle me being sick. I could never handle my children being sick. So i will gladly take one for the team. So I am grateful for my prayer warriors. Those of you who have prayed for me and who have sent positive energy. I feel it. I really do!! I am also extremely lucky to have this amazing hubby that has been extremely supportive. He has been my rock!! Words can’t express how blessed I am to be going through this with my best friend and soulmate. I am trying to see all the positives in my situation. That is what keeps me going… and if you are in my situation then trust me, be grateful for the little things in your life. They will help get you through the dark times. I know my whole situation could have been different, but all the pieces landed in the right places. It all happened the way it was supposed to.