A lot of people have asked me why I dyed my hair green. I thought it would be obvious from my “Green Ninja” persona, but then I have to remember that not everyone knows my story. But honestly, I have wanted green hair since I was in high school. Unfortunately, my mom never let me do it. I made a decision that 2018 was going to be the year to live my life to the fullest. 2017 was not easy and I felt so limited. I wanted to start the new year off with a bang. I also dyed my hair to celebrate what I went through last year. January 18, 2018 marks a year since my last chemotherapy. If you would have asked me a year ago if I thought I would have made it this far, I am not sure what I would have said. When you are in the middle of this Cancer battle you are just trying to take it one day at a time.
It’s been 2 1/2 weeks since my reconstructive surgery and I am feeling great. Everything is healing and I can’t wait to get back to living my life. I believe with all my heart that 2018 is going to be a better year! I dyed my hair and got the tattoo to remind myself of where I have been and to help me get back to my “new” normal. I am fighting to find myself again. I refuse to let Cancer steal my joy and to steal my identity. I am grateful that my mom was apart of this journey. She got her first tattoo and I am so proud of her. I am truly honored that she tattooed my name on her wrist. Now we can both be reminded of how strong we are. I can’t imagine what my mom has been through this past year watching her baby girl fight for her life. She has been a huge source of strength for me and has been such a huge help with the boys. She is a “Warrior”.
I know I am not the same person I was a year ago, and that’s okay. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Life is about evolving and learning. I know that I am a lot stronger then I ever thought I could be. Looking back I am in shock of what I have been through and what my body has been through. It’s surreal.
After this last surgery I am feeling a little like Frankenstein. The thought that the skin on my chest used to be on my back is a little weird, but at least I can laugh about it. Removing the tissue expander and port have made a huge difference. I feel such a relief in my right arm. I no longer have that expander jabbing into my armpit. My plastic surgeon told me he’ll have to do some “tweaking”, but I am not sure if i will want all of that. He will have to do some fat graphing to make the breasts fuller. So they will do Lypo on my stomach in a few months and will inject that fat into my new boobies. They say it’s an easy procedure and not very invasive. I am just happy that the biggest surgery is over and I can wear a tank top without worrying.
I started my medication again. My oncologist lowered the dose and I am hoping that my immune system won’t take such a big hit. I will also have some scans in a few weeks to see what’s going on with my spine. I have been stable this whole time, but I have faith and I am praying for great news. I am praying that my Oncologist is going to tell me that I am NED (No Evidence of Disease).
Today the tables were turned and I was someone’s Chemo date. We have been texting for months and today we finally met. It was nice to connect with someone my own age. Eventhough our Cancer battle is different we still have a lot in common. It felt great to be able to be a positive distraction for someone that is having chemo. Lately, I have become a resource for other people that have been diagnosed. I am honored that people trust me enough to share their story. Maybe this is my path, and if it is, than I will accept it with open arms.