My Journey… My Detour!

I’ve had it on my “to-do” list for months to write a blog and life has just gotten busy. But mostly I haven’t had the energy to sit and write. I have had so many thoughts, and I have wanted to write so many things, but this is what was on my mind today!

I really try to do some educating in this blog, because there is a lot about Breast Cancer that people don’t know. Everytime I start a new treatment I try to explain a little bit about it. I share because it’s the only way for people to understand the need for research, and the need for more treatment options. I am on my 4th line of treatment, in 6 years. Which is not bad. However, I know some women who are on their 10th line of treatment and they might be running out of options soon. I can’t stress enough how that is NOT OK!! We really have to work on making Metastatic Breast Cancer chronic and not terminal. I want to see a cure in my lifetime.

So, I started my new treatment in January. Enhertu was just approved by the FDA last year to treat women who are considered Her2-low. My cancer has not mutated from its original subtype (yes that can happen). I am still ER/PR+ and HER2-negative. But in the last few years doctors have noticed how one medicine designed to help one subtype can now help another. So now I am considered HER2-low and this medication is supposed to do the trick. I am lucky that my Oncologist was part of the research team for this new drug and has seen some great results.

A lot of people have asked how many treatments I will need, and the answer to that is “I don’t know”. This is an on-going treatment. Every 3 weeks for the rest of my life, or until it stops working and I have to move on to a 5th line of treatment. Unfortunately, there is no count down. I don’t see a finish line and I think that has caused me to feel “numb“. During my first chemo I knew there was an “end point“, but with this medication I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I honestly don’t know how people do it, and I don’t know how I am doing it? I guess trying not to focus on the fact that this is my life now. I already considered myself a full-time patient, but now it’s more real than ever.

I was hoping I could stay on oral chemo because being back in that chemo chair is traumatizing. Everytime I get my port flushed and I have to taste that Saline in the back of my throat I want to cry. My port is already starting to bother me. I am uber aware of it being in my body and I know I try to protect my right side because I am so paranoid about this foreign object in my body. I have to be careful with the way I sleep and how I sit. I am worried when I stretch or do yoga that I am going to yank it out. It’s insane to me to feel this way.

The side-effects of this new medication have been brutal. I have good days and bad days, but the 2 weeks after treatment are terrible. The stomach pain and digestive issues (mostly heartburn and acid reflux!!) I love food and now food is not my friend. I never realized just how much having an upset stomach can put you in a bad mood. I am so tired of eating white rice and potatoes. Yuck! Bone broth has helped, but I am so tired of soup. Honestly, sometimes I just want some pizza and wings, but I know I will pay for it. Saltine crackers have become my new best friend. I try to eat something small or snack every hour to avoid nausea. I finally start to feel some relief on my 3rd week and then I have treatment and we start the fun all over again!!!

My hair is not falling out like before. Now its thinning out. I don’t know which is worse? During my first chemo my hair physically hurt and I knew it was time to shave it. I didn’t mind being bald because I knew it was temporary. This time around it doesn’t hurt, but my scalp feels really weird. Either way, seeing my hair just fall out is taking a toll on me. Eventhough I have it short, it still makes me sad. I try my best to style it to make myself feel better. I put on make-up so that I don’t look as crappy as I feel. Most days I can handle the fatigue, but I hate not having the motivation to go for a walk. Richard usually guilt trips me into getting out of bed. At first, I get mad at him, but then realize it’s for the best and I don’t want to punch him in the face anymore. LOL

I am having a PET scan and an EKG in April. The meds can really mess with your heart, so we have to make sure all is well. I am hoping and praying that we get some good news. I need to know that this medication is working. I need to know that all of this crap I am feeling is not in vain. As long as I know that the meds are shrinking the tumors and it’s keeping the Cancer at bay, then I can continue on and I can deal with the side-effects.

I have to apologize for this post not being the usual motivational type that you are used to. It’s just that today is one of those days where I am being transparent and I am sharing how I feel. Maybe my next blog will be more upbeat…