Keeping the Faith

The appointment with my Oncologist on Friday went better than expected. Richard and I felt a sense of relief to know there is a plan. Not for nothing, but this whole thing has played out the way it needed to. My bone disease has been a blessing in disguise. Technically, I was already a Stage IV when this journey started in August. I had the lesions in my spine, but they thought it was because of the Ollier’s. We recently learned that when you are a Stage IV Breast Cancer patient the standard of care is different. Their goal is not longer to cure you, it’s to stablize you. There is not a lot of research out there about Stage IV Breast Cancer. Therefore, the fact that I was categorized as a Stage III, meant that they were going to be aggressive with my treatment. Which meant a very aggressive chemotherapy. And in my case the chemo worked. I also feel like that extra time gave me the opportunity to build a relationship with my Oncology Team. They saw me fighting every week. That has all worked out in my favor, because if the doctor’s go by the book there is really not much they could do for me at this point. But my Oncologist presented my case to the Tumor Board and fought for me. So, we are going ahead with the surgery (Bilateral Mastectomy). This will give me some peace of mind. Let’s take care of one problem so that we can focus on my spine. Since my cancer is estrogen based (ER+) they can also put me on hormone blockers to control the spread of the cancer. So if you are going to get Breast Cancer the less agressive type is ER+. It can be controled through meds.We are also going to applying for a Clinical Trial, which focuses on radiation on my spine. I just have to pray I don’t get the placebo group. We are still going for a second opinion. There is a research Hospital in Tampa called Moffitt. We pray they might have some more clincial trial options. Richard and I are not settling for “stabilization”.. We are going for “CURE”.  I am okay with being a Breast Cancer Thriver, but I would must rather be in Remission and be cured! That will be my miracle.

This past weekend was amazing. I was completely humbled by all the love and prayers I received. I can wholeheartedly say they were felt on so many levels. Those prayes completely changed my mood. I was finally able to go to church on Sunday. The pastor surprised me and called me up to the alter and the church prayed for me. I was overwhelmed with emotions and just cried. I was so grateful to God for that moment. After church three of the women from my church prayed over me. It was beautiful! The love these women had for me at that moment and the faith they have in God, it was powerful. They are true  “Prayer Warriors”. Richard and I have felt a sense of peace. We know God has us! He is going to heal me and one day I will be standing in front of my church sharing my testimony. I am already working on that speech! Amen!

Everyone has been sending me passages stating that God only gives you want you can handle. To that I must say, I was made to handle A LOT!! I can handle anything that has to do with me, but when it comes to my children, that’s another story. Yesterday, Leo had a seizure at school because of a high fever. The whole thing could have been avoided if his school would have listened to us and given him Tylenol. Instead we ended up in the emergency room.  I was a mess because I was at my doctor’s appointment getting my first hormone injection when his school called me. I didn’t know what to do? Do I leave the hospital and not get the shot that can help with my cancer, or do I run to my son’s school. The mommy guilt is real. I called Richard and he told me to get the shot. So I did and then ran to Leo’s school. (BTW, the needle for this injection is HUGE and I felt no pain because of the adrenoline rushing through my body as I worried about my son). I got to the school at the same time as the ambulance. When I saw my son my heart dropped. I was so angry at the school administration for allowing this to happen. I broke down and started crying. Thank God for the ambulance techs. They were amazing. I have attached a picture of me and Leo from last night in the ER. I sat on the bed while my little boy slept. I swear that God talks to me through this little boy. There have been so many times I have prayed and cried, and Leo has walked into my room, hugged me, kissed me, and said “I love you”.. just like that! No prompting. Just the perfect moment for my son to let me know that I am not alone and that God is hearing my prayers. I am grateful that Leo is okay. I am home with him today and he is back to his normal self. But yesterday my heart hurt for him. Richard said yesterday “we can’t catch a break”.  Things have been thrown at us from every direction, but I will not lose faith! I know sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. In the last few weeks I really feel like I have learned to pray. I don’t know if that makes sense? I know sometimes we pray, we say things in our heads, but I don’t know if that’s really praying? I feel like I have a new prespective on praying. I am praying with more intention and with more of my soul.  I am praying with more gratitude and more heart. So again, THANK YOU to all my prayer warriors. I know I have an army behind me. You all give me strength. Amen to that!