It’s complicated…

Written on Monday, February 20, 2017: The last week and a half have been one of the most stressful times since this journey started. I thought I was almost at the end of one phase, so I could move on to the next. My surgery was scheduled and I was meeting with my radiologist about radiation treament. Everything was in place, but just like anything in life, I was not in control. God had another plan for me.

My whole life I have had a very rare bone disease. Most of my life the disease didn’t even have a name and I would have to explain what it was to every doctor I met.  They found it when I broke my leg when I was 2 years old. I became an expert at a young age. Now Richard is the expert on my bone diesase. It’s called Ollier’s Diease and I have one type, which is called Multiple Enchondramatosis. You can google it! But it basically means I have cysts in my bones that make my bones brittle and easy to break. I have broken/fractured several bones and have developed a high pain tolerance because of this disease. The cold can be painful for someone with Ollier’s, so moving to Florida was a good move for me. Unforunatley, all my doctors remained in Boston and I had to start over. So what does this all have to do with Breast Cancer? Well, I will tell you. I hope I am doing this story justice. Richard is much better at explaining it than me. I think I have become so numb to the whole thing.

Before I started chemo I told my Oncologist about my bone disease. I told her that my bones would light up like a Christmas tree on the PET Scan. It is typical of Ollier’s to light up, but it doesn’t mean I have bone cancer. Fast forward to 6 months later, postchemo. I get another PET Scan. It was the best worse news I have ever gotten. My body reacted great to the chemo and you can barely see the cancer in my breasts. The down side is that they found something in my spine. They don’t know if it’s because of Ollier’s or if the cancer has spread to my bones! WTF!!??? They weren’t sure if the chemo had “cured” my bones and they needed more info. The “What if” factor came into play.  Olliers typically affects the outter extremities, like your arms and legs, so having a cyst in my spine is rare, but not unheard of since I have one in my Sternum. They ordered more tests to be sure that the cancer hadn’t spread. So I had to get an MRI of my spine, which is not fun. If you have never had an MRI well you are lucky. It’s painless, but make sure you are not claustrophobic. We played the waiting game and the results of the MRI were inconclusive. So the next step was a biopsy of the spine. Again, if you have never had a biopsy of your bones, thank your lucky stars. I had to have a  biopsy of my sternum 10 years ago and that was not fun. I was NOT happy about this procedure, but if it was going to give the doctor’s some more answers then fine. I sucked it up, but on my big girl pants and had it done last week. Five days later and I am still very uncomfortable from that biopsy and again we are playing the waiting game. Hopefully, the results will show that the lesion on my spine is from the Olliers and not bone cancer. I pray they are two separate issues and not related. Because if the cancer spread then the doctor’s will cancel my surgery (bilateral mastectomy) and I will have to start another round of treatment, so that means more Chemo. I was just getting used to having some hair again. Honestly, I don’t know if I can do more Chemo. My body is still trying to recover and to have to start over! Oh god! Give me the strength!! I really can’t make this stuff up. I am trying to stay positive, but my spirit is a little broken right now.

I have debated about writing this blog because of my current emotional state. It has been difficult to stay positive and not to question why all of this is happening. For the first time since all this started I got ANGRY!!!  Breast Cancer I can deal with, but having Bone Cancer on top of it all. That’s a little too much for me!!! The smashing of the plates was part of all of this. It was supposed to be something to help release my stress and anger, but I think Richard and I had too much fun with it. We laughed more then we screamed, which is not a bad thing! Richard and I have gone through every emotion possible. We have felt anger, frustration, sadness and at the end of it all we felt grateful. Grateful because we still have time together. I was already giving myself a death sentence. I was about to start planning my funeral! But, I am putting all my faith in God that all of this will be resolved and that I can move forward with my recovery. I am frustrated becasue this “hiccup” has moved my timeline and this whole journey has become longer. Everything has been pushed…. I spoke my brother Kenny, who said maybe I wasn’t supposed to have surgery last week. Maybe it wasn’t the right time. I have to believe that. I have to believe that there is a reason for all of this. I am sitting here writing this as my boys go nuts running around the house. We have been home all weekend because they have been sick. I can’t afford to get sick, but mommy duty calls. Maybe my surgery was postponed because I needed to be here to take care of my boys? I don’t know what God’s plan is? But I have to believe in him.

AND THEN I GOT THE CALL….

Written on Wednesday, February 22, 2017: Just like that, in the blink of an eye I went from having Stage 3 Breast Cancer to Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. The biopsy came back positive. The Cancer has spread to my spine. My spirit was crushed. I was home with the boys. I had to lock myself in the bathroom so that the boys would not see me crying. I went numb as the doctor explained everything to me. I don’t even know if I heard everything. I immediately called Richard and asked him to come home. I pulled myself together and made lunch for my boys. Richard came home, we put the boys down for a nap and we laid in bed crying for a  good hour. All I thought about was how I was going to tell my parents and how much time did I have left? But like Richard says “in true Myra fashion” I refused to stay home feeling sorry for myself. When the boys woke up we went to the movies to watch the new Batman Lego movie. Richard said we are not normal. Who goes to the movies after hearing their cancer has spread. Well, we do!! In my mind I figured, if I am going to die, then I am going to enjoy every day like it’s my last.

So that is why I am praying for a miracle. I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday to find out about treatment options. It might be more chemo, radiation, a clinical trial. I am not sure. But we are going to find out. At this point I am willing to try anything if it means I get more time with my family. This week has been rough. I haven’t slept or eaten much. The anxiety is killing me, but I made a choice to be more positive. I kneeled down and prayed to God to give me the strength to deal with this new obstacle. I prayed for more time. I surrendered myself to him and gave him all my fear and anxiety, and now I am ready to fight!!

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25 thoughts on “It’s complicated…

  1. Judith A. Holland says:

    Oh Myra i have just read thru your blog! I got chills at the end. I thought for sure it would be good news! Aren’t ‘they’ done with you? You’ve had so much to deal with and now this. You can get thru this and stop talking about any funeral. I know you have to be realistic but let it flow for now. You are always in my thoughts and prayers and i always read your intelligent blogs from which i can see it all. Big hug from me…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melodee says:

    Dear Myra, What can I say, just that I think of you always and am sending hugs and love. Life is just so unfair! It makes me so mad to see a beautiful, smart, caring, giving wife and Mother having to deal with all this!!! I hate it that I’m so far away. If I were close I could at least hug you. Know I’m hugging you with my thoughts across the miles. I will pray for you (I don’t do it well or often, but I will for you my dear.) Love you. Big hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elisa says:

    That is a lot to take in, but I am so heartened by your resolve to move forward strong for your family. I know how difficult that can be. Myra and family, I am praying for you all and I am sending you love and healing energy . Know that you are all in my thoughts and I care for you all deeply. (((((((Abrazos))))))))

    Liked by 1 person

  4. verna says:

    Hi Myra…. You don’t know me, but I know you! Elisandra is my friend at work and she had shared so much about you with me. It’s great to “meet” you! You are an amazing woman… That’s what Eli has heard me say so many times. We are praying for you, your boys, your family…. We are praying for a miracle for you. God is a miracle maker! I’m looking forward to meeting you in person once you get your miracle. Sincerely, Verna

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Doris A. Rubio says:

    Myra: We have met so little, just a few “hello’s” when we have seen each other at church in Puerto Rico. But I can say that during this process I have learned so much about you. Now I know how strong and warrior you are. You have given the best of you for your beloved husband and kids. I have felt so sad with all this you are going thru and I have prayed for you a lot. You have a great family besides you in Florida and Puerto Rico. I know it will not be easy but as in the previous process, you will sucess and will be a better person at the end of it. God loves you and is with you.
    Attn.: your admirer

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Keisha says:

    I’m praying with you my dear friend, things are very complex and having no control sux for everybody!!!! You are very strong and brave, don’t ever lose sight of that. You’re an amazing and beautiful person, mom, daughter, soster, spouse…… My heart is with u

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Patricia Breslin says:

    Myra, I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for the miracle that you are sure to receive soon! Keep up the fight and keep enjoying every second you have with your beautiful boys. Sending much love and healing to you. xoxoxoxo, Tricia

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Letty says:

    My Beutiful Dear Friend
    I just read this post and my heart breaks 😭 I think about you, your boys and family every day . I am speechless, but I do have to say . I will continue to pray for you and a miracle . You are one of the strongest women I know , so just keep on fighting. God will give you the strength you need to fight this cancer. I hate cancer 😡 And what it does but thru God all things are possible . Love you my friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Karen Smith says:

    Oh Myra I am in tears reading this. Looking over at my son sitting next to me and as a Mother I can relate to the love for your boys and yet I couldn’t begin to possibly know what it’s like to be going through this. I am praying for you. I admire your strength so much and I think you’re doing exactly what you’re meant to…enjoying each precious moment with your family. Thinking of you and you’ll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Elsie says:

    Oh cuz ,words cant explain how I’m feeling with this news , but one thing I can say u are a true warrior, and if there’s something about you is that you don’t give up you fight til the end with positive attitude, don’t loose your faith I’m God there’s a reason for all in life , this will be a tremendous testimony of your journey to others ..
    You are in our prayers ,keep that smile going .. love ya

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Denise C says:

    To be able to pen this journey while going through it is major. In my eyes, you’ve already won your battle. You seem to have a strength and resilience that is unmatched and I admire you for that.
    I cannot say that I am truly religious, but recently I have begun to rebuild a spiritual relationship and it has had such a positive impact on how I have chosen to fight my own battles. With that being said, I will use that newly renewed relationship to help you overcome your battles.
    You seem to have an awesome support system and two of the sweetest doll-faced babies…they need you to persevere and be that chemo ninja. Don’t ever give up the fight. You have so many fighting alongside you, even those silently fighting. You are clearly loved and will not be forsaken.
    Continued blessings and positive juju your way. 🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Deb Levy says:

    Oh Ms. Myra. You are such a beautiful warrior princess and the words that stood out for me the most were “we are not normal”! Richard is right! The love that you offer and the love that you surround yourself with, is extraordinary! That means extra – ordinary which = not normal which = keep up the good work. Your ninja warriors team will keep praying and believing that extraordinary things will happen to help you heal. That fierce 15 year old I met is is a fighter, so rest while you wait and just keep loving those boys. xoxo Deb

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Yasira says:

    You are simply AMAZINGLY STRONG . “When you feel your at the end of your rope Tie a knot and hang on”. Keep that beautiful smile showing throughout and remain strong. Sometimes there is no answer to the question Why, it’s not for us to know. Like you said you surrender your self to God. God laughs when we make plans. You got a lot of people who love you and hold you very dear to their hearts. We’re all praying for you over here in NYC, your extended UC family. Love Yasira🙏🏽🍀

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Elena says:

    Myra –
    I think of you from time to time. I remember how beautiful you are, and what a fun person you are. You made working at BBBS and my time in Miami in general, a pleasurable experience. I had a friend who recently battled Stage 3 Ovarian cancer. She and her friends (including myself) took turns taking her to chemo treatments and keeping her company. Much of your struggle reminds me of hers. Cancer is so unfair and it is so nondiscriminatory. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You have a beautiful family and you are a beautiful person inside and out. I always remember that about you. A great smile with dimples and an even more beautiful heart. I wish you and your family the best. Although I haven’t seen you in years, just know I still think about you, and pray for your well being.

    Lot of Love from Michigan,
    -Elena

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Tracy clarry says:

    I am praying for you, Richard, your boys and everyone that knows and loves you. I am praying for a miracle for you and praying for strength for everyone around you.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Susan Peebles says:

    I, myself, had Stage 4 Cancer metastasized from my colon to my liver. The past two and 1/2 years have been difficult but through many prayers, I am currently in remission. I am still taking weekly “mop up” chemo. You are certainly in my prayers and your family as well. Your children and your husband will be there to keep you motivated to Live!!! God Bless you.

    Like

  17. Amy Chattin says:

    Myra, your beautiful soul shines on with such power and grace. I know your faith is holding you up, but remember your friends are like God’s angels and helpers when you need anything. Please don’t hesitate to ask for anything. I’ll cook you dinner, entertain the boys or go to a yoga class with you…,whatever you need. I’m here. Prayers too!

    Like

  18. Coconut Wata says:

    I look at you going through, only getting stronger…. stronger. No you’re not weak, no that’s not true, you’re only getting stronger… stronger! My heart, soul, love, pours out to you!

    All the strength that i have is yours. I’m so happy that you have a man like Richard by your side! And aside from him, your parents, siblings, and the rest of us, your family, friends, co-workers, support systems! We are all on your side ready to #kickcancersassmoreandmore! What better way to take such horrible news than to spend it with those you love and cherish? I say that was the best thing to do!

    i dedicate this song to you… i always listen to it when i need upliftment. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwidgLWikbHSAhXDLmMKHcXpDkwQtwIIJzAC&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D6FDqAE-YfcY&usg=AFQjCNED4vpN51Sk6vEUBSUZwxJ0uwmKpw&sig2=20xGp_ghXqeCqsvIOCPJcg

    I love you prima! it’s ok to cry and question why, but always remember that only the strong are called for serious battle! you are far from weak! and with this unfortunate news, you’re only getting stronger!

    Like

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