My Journey… My Detour!

Yesterday, October 27th  I had my second chemo teaching.  That’s when your Medical team explains to you the dos and don’ts, and what the side effects will be of your new chemotherapy. I just finished my round of AC. Next Wednesday, I start my “weekly” 12 rounds of Taxol. I refuse to google the side effects of Taxol, because I don’t even what to know what other people have experienced. It’s scary and I was already nervous about this next round,  but my nurse told me that I have done great so far and this round shouldn’t be so bad. There are still side effects, but I shouldn’t feel the same fatigue. It will also be a shorter infusion, so only 2 hours at the hospital. But I am still nervous because now it will be weekly treatments. I don’t know how my  body will react now that I don’t get a break. The good news is that I won’t need my LoJack. That Neulasta shot that is so annoying and causes so many body aches. I still have all the food restrictions and I still have to be careful that I don’t get sick. My Medical team seems to be very optimistic. Since I am young and healthy I should be able to tolerate it. My “Prayer Warriors” out there  please continue to pray for me. Pray that this is a walk in the park for me. Just a slight irritation from my regularly scheduled program.

Once this is all over I just want cut off my boobs and get new ones. LoL I am not kidding. Seriously! Get them off of me so I don’t need to inject poison into my body anymore.  I have been super emotional the last couple of weeks and I know its because they are messing with my hormones. I feel overly sensitive. I tear up all the time. I just can’t wait for ALL of this to be over so I can just enjoy my life and be “me” again…

I get so annoyed when I see a person smoking. I just want to slap them. Don’t they know the harm they are doing to their body? (sorry to my mom and sister that are both smokers, but I might just have to slap them if I see them smoking). I have never smoked a day in my life and I got cancer. What kind of shit is that? I never play the “cancer card”… but damnit, maybe I should start! LOL Every time someone  upsets me I will just cuss them out and blame it on the cancer. Isn’t psychotic rage a side-effect? I forgot to ask my doctor…ha ha

I get upset seeing people stress out about silly things. Life is too short. I just want to take it all in and enjoy it all. I guess that’s the ironic part about being sick. You take the time to take a step back to reflect on the things that are important. I don’t stress about the silly things and maybe I let my boys get away with little things, but why not. They only get to be kids once, so let them enjoy it. My brother sent them gift cards to The Build-a-Bear Workshop and they had so much fun making their new Star Wars friends. Richard was so stressed about what they picked and I told him to just relax and let the boys have fun. They don’t get to do that everyday. Let them pick whatever they want. If mommy is sick then why not cut them a little slack. That should be a rule!!!

There is no school today, so I brought Sebastian to work with me.  Leo is still having a fun filled day at preschool.  I feel like Sebastian has been a little emotional lately. I feel like all of this might be taking a toll on him. I thought it might be nice for him and I to have some alone time together. We are going to have a lunch date this afternoon and he’s had a great time at my job. This morning in the car he asked me why Puerto Ricans celebrate 3 Kings Day. I explained to him that it’s a tradition and one day when he’s a dad he will celebrate “El dia de los Reyes” with his kids. Just the thought of him being all grown up got me a little choked up. But then he said “I’m going to miss you when you die”.. Waterworks!!! I lost it. I couldn’t hold back the tears as I told my son that ” I will be around to see him become a dad one day”……